A light hearted look at swim coaching.

By November 17, 2017Uncategorized

Honest Swim Coaching.

Why do you recommend I start my race really slowly and build into it? ‘so I beat you.’

Why should I swim with my head in the water? is it more efficient? ‘yes and you will scare fewer people in the other lanes.’

Can I dive in please?  ‘sure or how about just throwing your goggles into that lane over there and save yourself the trouble.’

Why should I kick with a smaller narrower leg kick? ‘ so you don’t kick me when I am in the next lane.’

Can I learn breaststroke yet? ‘no because that really hurts me when you kick me from the other lane.’

Can I learn Butterfly yet? ‘I think we are going to need a bigger lane.’

Can I use my pull buoy? ‘yes as a pillow at the end of this 10k set’

What should I do? I forgot my fins and paddles? ‘not put them on.’

Can I do this length Kick? ‘ok but the pool closes at 10pm’

Can I do this last 100m as kick? ‘Ok I am back here on Tuesday.’

I keep drinking water through my snorkel! ‘there are cheaper options as straws.’

I think my snorkel is broken? ‘stop using it on backstroke.’

Sorry I am late – ‘that is ok, it is not my finish line disappearing further in the distance as you struggle to drag yourself into T1 from a disappointing swim that you have to explain to your family and deal with the sad disappointed look in your children faces.’

How much should I reduce my kick by? ‘stop washing the ceiling for a start.’

Can I wear an orange hat for this openwater swim? ‘at your speed not a good idea. Unless you want 000s of people swimming around you in the corners.’

So I breathe in when I turn my head to the side? ‘if you can do it any other way then you are moving onto the advanced course.

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